30 Day Paleo Challenge Results

Here I am 30 Days later like Morgan Fuckin Spurlock. 30 Days all Paleo all the time. It has been an adventure...er...not really, but it was pretty fun. I really started with high hopes and stars in my eyes. I was childishly optimistic and really hoping for the magic changes promised in all my reading. Then about a day ago as I was thinking about writing this, I wanted to call bullshit on the whole thing. But I can't do that because the results are there. So lets see 'em.


First I just want to say that I did keep a journal of every day, well almost everyday of this challenge but I went back and read it and I really can't put all that on this post. I got bored reading it and boring readers isn't really a good game plan for a guy that likes to write. So this is the abridged version with some highlights and notes. But there are pictures and that makes it way more fun. If you want to judge my pictures...I'm cool with that.


For any change or challenge I have taken on, the beginning is always the easiest while enthusiasm is high. Its later that things get tough. Like a week ago when I really wanted a fucking Blizzard.



So here we are Day 00-

"Day 00-  1/17/2015

I just finished the book today. I think I got the point but I think I will skip all the expensive blood tests he suggests. I had some pizza today and will most likely get some more junk food in my system tomorrow too. 30 Days without a cheat day will be hard, I have to say my goodbyes. Even though I am not sold just yet, I have to say I am kind of excited to see what happens. I am hopeful it really does what is promised in the book. I guess the only thing there is to do at this point is get started and stick with it.

I just went grocery shopping. Mother of pearl. Money was spent. Basically I had to clear the cupboards and I didn’t realize how much I was eating that was not allowed or riddled with gluten. I had a lot of things that are not with this program and what I perceived to be healthy. I did realize that it is a lot easier to shop when not buying any kind of bread or processed food. You don’t have the read the label on a cucumber. I dig that. But it was basically like starting over. I just spent about $200 on food. Granted that was a heavy load of meat (That’s what she said) and will probably last me most of the 30 Days. I don’t expect the following trips to be quite that bad. But we will see.

Tomorrow I will take my before photos and measurements."

The Day Before- 1/18/2015

Healthy breakfast just because that was easiest to prepare. Some coffee with sugar though. I’ll have to learn to forgo the sweetener and cut back on the coffee definitely. A lot of research shows that coffee causes huge hormonal issues especially with Cortisol and that is a weight loss show stopper.  But as long as you moderate your BLACK coffee intake it seems to be fine. First challenge I am dreading really. Healthy lunch again because it was easiest to prepare. I will probably bid junk food a farewell with some What-A-Burger later though. The war starts tomorrow, I should get the best of my freedom to sin while I can. Honestly that is not the norm for me over the past year, but fuck it, I am doing right now because I can. I also want to start where most people would be starting from. I think that is more fare than going from healthy to healthier.

Day 1- Weigh In

Weight- 226.8 ( My goal was to lose 25 pounds) 

Waist - 46 Inches

Hips- 41 Inches

 

So taking progress pictures is awkward but I promised I would so here they are. This at least gives you an idea of where I started. Party On...

This first week went pretty smooth with no slips and I was extra careful with everything I ate. I will point out that DAY 1 was a day that my friends and I had planned on going out to eat a super feast. I point this out because people always put off starting something because of "plans". You can still start something if you want it more than you want to stick to your "plans". I hated watching them eat cake and Baudouin Balls in front of me though. Bastards. 

So Day 7 Measurements-

223lbs – 3.8lbs down from last week

Waist- 45 inches – 1 inch lost

Hips-  40.5 inches-  half an inch lost

 

So starting out and losing nearly 4 pounds and an inch off my waist the first week was awesome. The first week, I also didn't get a lot of workouts in. Partly because I was really busy with work and partly because I let being busy be an excuse. So without working out, those are pretty good results. I attribute all of that to preparation. I made all of my meals in advance and they were ready to go. At work they kept ordering in fast food and I was oh so tempted, but I held out and it was worth it. Life keeps going even when you have your own agenda and people rarely give a shit about what you are trying to do. If you are thinking of doing this, or anything like it, be prepared for that. Also, it took a couple days before that happened due to my junk food binge before starting. Lastly, I really hadn't seen any other "benefits" of my new eating habits. Sleep didn't really improve and everything else seemed about the same. But, one week is way to early to start seeing all those results right?

Day 15 Measurements

Weight 220.6  Lost 2.4 pounds

Waist – 43.5 down 1.5 inches

Hips – 40.5 Same as last week

 

My first cheat happened on Day 12. I didn't take a picture of it because well as my journal entry below will explain...I really didn't give a fuck. 

Day 12 Journal Entry- 

"Day 12- 1/30/2015

I am getting caught up here. Friday was a crazy and stupid day. I was getting ready to go work out and blew my nose. Then my nose started to bleed. And bleed and bleed and bleed. It wouldn’t stop and it was a lot of blood. I get nose bleeds from time to time but never this bad. So I had to shove some toilet paper in the snout and drive up to the Urgent Care place in my hood. I walked in with bloody toilet paper hanging out of my nose and they politely asked “What can we help you with today?” I just pointed to my face and she handed me a clipboard. Long story short, they couldn’t get the bleeding to stop by any normal means so they had to install a Rhino Rocket. Basically they take a tampon like balloon thing and shove it up your nose all the way into the back of your brain. This was probably one of the most painful things I have had to experience. I almost fainted. For real. Then they inflate the tampon…almost fainted again. That day I did not work out or eat after breakfast. After my little fainting spell, the doctor insisted I drink a little bottle of Gatorade and eat some Goldfish. Then, I didn’t feel like doing anything. Kim was on her way home from Dallas so I asked her to get me some food. By this time I was in pain, starving, and in a general, I DON’T GIVE A FUCK kind of mood. Being that is it was midnight, she got me taco bell. So that was my first slip up. Honestly, I don’t care. Given the situation, it is what it is. After I ate that, I took a hydrocodone and some melatonin and slept in 45 minute increments throughout the night. It was the worst. My face hurt. I really hope that never happens again because knowing how bad the Rhino Rocket hurts, I don’t think I could do it again and I may just have to bleed out and die."

So there it is, pain will make you do what you have to do. 

Week 2 I really didn't see any of the miracle health benefits promised either. But...ONWARD!

Day 21 Weigh in

Day 21- 2/8/2015

Weight- 218.8 Pounds   -Almost 2 pounds lost. Pretty disappointing for the amount of effort.

Waist- 43                       - I wont complain about a half inch. 

Hips- 40

I forgot to take pictures of the measurements this week...But you didn't miss much.

The third week was pretty mundane. I was in a groove and even when I didn't prepare my meals, I was pretty good about sticking with the program. 

We also found a Paleo food truck check it out Picnik  

Day 30 2/17/2015

Weight- 215.6             Grand Total of poundage dropped- 11.2 pounds

Waist-   41 Inches        Total loss of 5 Fucking Inches!

Hips-     40 Inches        Total loss of 1 inch. I guess my hips don't have a lot of fat or I was measuring wrong. 

So the whole point of this was for me to explore the practicality of this "really easy" way of eating. Like I said, a couple of days ago I was cursing the whole thing because I didn't hit the miracle weight loss goal I was looking for and I certainly didn't feel like my whole life was different because of it.

In "The Paleo Solution" by Robb Wolff, he challenges you to do this diet for 30 days and watch how your life will dramatically improve over time. I know that 30 days isn't long enough to mean a lot but the book promised it as long as I would try. And try I did.

So lets look at the reality of it. I lost 11 solid pounds and it got me over the hump I was at. I was lingering around 225 and 226 for awhile and couldn't seem to shake it. This did the trick. But as I suspected, this wasn't the cure all that its proponents would have you believe. Here's what I saw...

1. I didn't follow his recipe and meal plan perfectly because it was hella expensive to do that and I didn't like some of the things on the menu. But I stuck to the principles. No wheat, grains, refined sugar, oats, dairy or any other enemies of the Paleo Kingdom. I did look up more practical recipes and learn to use my Crock-Pot.

2. Maybe I didn't take in the right amount of nutrients at the right time under the right circumstances while my body was aligned with the sun and I was ovulating. But the idea was supposed to be that this wasn't so hard. I know people that eat like that but I haven't reached that level of dedication to education on the subject. However, as long as I was prepared, it really wasn't that bad. I my cravings were mostly mental and this really did curb how hungry I got and how easily I could satiate that hunger.

3. The biggest excuse people have for not eating healthy is that it is too expensive. And yeah, if you go all hardcore you will end up spending $7 on a dozen eggs. But if you can just shop better than you had been, like don't buy things that are frozen or in boxes, and find some free range chicken eggs on the cheap, you will be fine. There is one Paleo eatery in the whole city of Austin and I would guess outside of Austin they are few and far between, so you will be saving a ton on eating out. Eating out also just puts too much shit in your face that probably need to avoid anyway. I had fajitas more times in the last month than I did all of last year. That shit got old. But go shopping, load up on spices and bulk items. The first time might be expensive, but after that it really isn't bad. Try to follow a books suggestions and you will go broke. The internet will be your best friend beyond all the free porn. I also realized that health food from places like Picnik is a lot of times unnecessarily expensive. So just get used to doing it yourself if you are on a budget.

4. Be prepared to change the narrative in your mind about food and eating. Eat for fuel, don't eat for fun. Or as my ex used to say when she would beg me to lose weight "You eat to live, not live to eat". You can't start something like this and expect all your dreams to come true in the 30 Days those gimmick artists say it will happen. But I see the benefits of this diet and will probably continue this way of eating. While it was hard for me to get the right amount of calories in for my active lifestyle, I was taking in more naturally nutritious food. I need to get squared away on my meal prep and macro-nutrient planning though. I also won't ever say "Cheat Meal" again because I realized that concept is stupid. I may partake in some indulgence now and again because trying to lose weight is no excuse to stop living.

5. While I didn't feel huge changes in my well being I did see improvements. Enough improvement for me to buy into the gluten-free idea. I was eating well before I tried this but I would still get stuck and I did have my episodes with depression and lethargy despite my efforts. This past month, my episodes were few and far between and when they did happen, they were far more manageable.


So in conclusion, was it worth it? Yeah. Definitely. I entered it expecting a little too much, but after looking at it practically and with a little reason, I can see that it has it's benefits. One benefit is that it is easy to follow. I will say it again, you don't have to read the label on a cucumber to make sure it's healthy.

So here is my before and after picture.

                             226.8 Pounds                                                       215.6 Pounds







If you want a copy of my journal, message me and I will be happy to email it to you.



So there it is. 30 Days of Paleo living from a real guys point of view. Also I took the last picture in my new pants because I am so happy to have gone and bought a nice pair of jeans, and for once not been afraid I would get too fat for them.

When I lose the remaining 15.6 pounds and hit 200, I will post a pretty crazy before and after. I have my before picture from when I was 270, no shirt, it's scary. haha

Thanks for reading. Hit me up if you have questions!

Burn the Ships- A 30 Day Challenge

Hi!

A few days ago I posted what my mind thinks is a motivational rant for people that are just getting going on the health and fitness journey. If you didn't read that one, you should. It is fun and it will make me feel better about it not getting as many reads as when I just talk shit about how people are idiots...Eh...But I'm like you, people are idiots, and it is fun to talk about it. But that is for another time! Don't get me going.

In that Eff word riddled rant meant to get you pumped I also promised to post my resolutions. I was working on that little number when new information arose. And far be it for me to be the kind of idiot that say "My Haterz" (with a Z) inspired me. Mostly because that is nonsense and has absolutely no logic to it...eh...

"Stop Preston. Focus here."

Anyway, quite a few of my most frequent playful/passive aggressive admirers did make me think. Also a lot of other "Resolution" posts got me thinking. So it changed everything an I had to scrap the first draft as it was no longer valid.

The first thing I saw is a lot people putting little hints about there resolutions out there. Maybe a little picture or vague status update or reposting articles about Whole 30 or something. And Hey, if you made a resolution and it means something to you and you are working on it, good! I am happy for you and I hope you succeed. I really do. But for me, I think without accountability, you are starting the whole process with one foot out the door. You can back out with no real consequence except for your own guilt. I used to do that with that smoking when I tried to quit like 284 times. I wouldn't tell anyone, I would just try to see how long I could go. Same thing with drinking. The difference came when I just made it so ridiculously public that my friends and "admirers" alike would have had a field day if I slipped up. So that was just more motivation not to fuck up.

Secondly, by merely expressing some interest in a new idea, I was met with a lot of ill-advised social media commenting of opinions and easily Googled articles weighing heavily toward their opinion. We have already discussed that here though. If you want Google to agree with you, you just have to type in the right search words, and it will. BUT, I will not go off on that either. I just saw that even broaching a new and uncomfortable idea, even to the seemingly most open minded people, has a little backlash. So, with these powers combined, I formed some resolution and a fun little plan.

First, and again, the biggest reason I am putting this here is so you can hold me accountable. Whether you have been a supportive friend, of a spectator watching from the nose-bleeds waiting on a firey, bloody crash. Accountability is a huge part of my success. I am easily swayed by my own stupid brain to give up when no one is looking. So the trick is to make everyone look. For better or worse, you are helping me. Love me or hate me, please don't stop. So that explains the title.

I am burning my ships.

There will be no escape from this land. I can only conquer or perish. And I will have to accept whatever fate may come in front of the gazes of friend and foe alike. I just hope I didn't leave my phone on the ship...I need it for work and stuff.

So I am starting with the inspiration I caught from my new and uncomfortable idea. The Paleo Diet. With some urging from people at my gym. People that are not only serious about their health and fitness, but at times competitive with it. Also people that really have nothing to gain from me doing this. They just saw me plateau and gave some suggestions. One was that I just pick up the book

The Paleo Solution by Robb Wolf. Here is a link to check it out - www.robbwolf.com

The book was $10 on Amazon for my Kindle so not a huge investment. I have already read a ton of diet, health, fitness, and nutrition books so this wasn't a big deal. As I read through I can't say that I am buying all of it, but combined with other things I have read, and things I have had success with in the past, a lot of it started making a lot of sense. So as you can imagine by putting a half idea out that I may look at gluten differently, I had the Hoo-Hahs all over me. Not just online but pretty much anyone I brought it up to as conversation. Even though I was really just thinking out loud about it, people got defensive like I joined the Mormon Church and showed up at their front door. People love fucking bread man. Crazy.

I finished the book today and I am still not completely sold. I don't know. But from this book, other books and previous experience, I came to this conclusion:

At worst gluten could be poisoning me and attributing to a lot of issues I have. At best, it really doesn't do me any favors.

So with that I have decided to put my money where my bread used to be and take on the 30 Day challenge it suggests in the book. I really don't have anything to lose from doing and plus it will be fun. Either fun for me because it will work wonders as the book suggests, or fun for you when I fail and have to admit like a kid that pooped his pants at Six Flags. Once this post goes online I really have no other choice.

I have some other ships to burn but they are not as fun as this don't really require accountability. Accountability for them may even hurt some feelings. But I will say this. I have learned there are different kinds of friends. I have a lot and I have some great ones. There are friends that truly care about and support you and then there are accomplices. With the many changes I am making and the steps I am taking, I just can't afford to have any accomplices.

So...back to business.

The 30 Day challenge.

About 5 years ago I did a few of these and they were fun. My favorite was 30 Days of Giving. I either gave money or time to a new charity every day for 30 Days. Learned a lot and felt great. I highly suggest trying that one yourself.

But for this one, this is how it is going to go.

I will be starting the 30 Days Monday January 19th. I will adhere as closely to the guidelines in the book and other Paleo sources as closely as I can. Money probably being the only obstacle. He suggests that you have a ton of blood work done at the beginning then at the end, but ain't nobody got money for that. But tracking progress is pretty key so I will be doing that. I will keep a journal everyday or every other day. I will try to briefly discuss my successes, challenges, or indifference on the daily routine.

I will take progress pictures and measurements weekly. This will include, weight, waist size, hip size, and waist to hip ratio. Success or failure, I will post the pictures.

I will try to keep a running tally of the cost associated with it too. The biggest argument I have gotten for any route of healthy eating is that it is too expensive. I don't believe that, but being that this is a lot of meat and lower caloric dense foods, I am assuming it may be a little more expensive than I am used to. Time will tell.

If I do slip up, and that is very strong and real possibility, I will be honest and accountable for it. I will not only tell you about it, but I will take a picture of the sinful deed. You can shame me as you see fit. Please don't throw rocks.

Just like always, I will maintain my current workout schedule, but will probably stepping it up because I have the Savage Race to train for. (If you want to run with me sign up here SAVAGE RACE)

I will not be taking any weight loss supplements. Never have and I am not a cheater. Except in checkers.

At the conclusion, I will compile all of my progress data and daily journal entries, put them together, and post it.

I hope it works because right now I have hit a plateau but if it doesn't this can serve as a real life example that it might not be all it's cracked up to be. If you do believe in the concept of no gluten and the Paleo Diet, I suggest following this one. If you don't believe it works and you think its a bunch of trendy breadless bullshit, here is your chance to find out.

If you don't care but you like reading my stuff. I love you.

So there it is. The ships are ablaze and there really isn't any turning back. Plus I just had to go grocery shopping and spent like $200.

Tomorrow is day 0. Wish me luck!

Resolution Revolution

January 2nd, post hangover, there is almost a Black Friday wave of fatties entering the gym. Every treadmill is taken, all the stairmasters are straining, and your next workout machine is taken by a guy that is sitting on it backward and is likely to break his arm instead of reading the instructions.

There are two hefty women walking swiftly and with the form of Rock Em' Sock 'Em Robots at the trail you run every day. Every 20 yards you have to run around these Big Bettys.

The fresh food isle is full of meandering couch potato zombies, staring at apples like a 12 year old boy at a boob. Confused and hungry.

You know most of these people are just going to fall off the wagon in a couple of weeks so why do they even bother? Right?

Well Fuck you!

I say go on with your bad self Rock Em Sock Em Bettys, and dude that is fucking the work out machine, and alien apple people! You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do! You are awkwardly feeling your way through the dark to the light! You have taken that first step, the hardest and scariest one. You got this. Just keep going. You are doing great already.

Check out Larry Evans on Facebook.

I was that guy. I had to suffer the judgmental looks from Golds Gym Tank top wearing ass hats just like you. I had to fumble through weeks of bootcamp before I didn't feel like vomiting after the warm up. I had to walk around the grocery store like a fucking idiot for months before I understood what I really needed to buy, how much, and what kind. And guess what? I am still overweight. I am still learning. I am still awkwardly stumbling around like a Pop-Tard. BUT! Last year I lost 50 pounds and 9 inches off my waist. I went from 10 minute mile and having to stop to running an average of an 8.5 minute mile, with my best time at 7:30! I went from sweating on my couch in the summer to running the Zombie Run and getting a Survivor Medal at the end. Then following it up with another 5k a couple of months later. For some people these are barely a blips on their fitness radar, but for me they are huge fucking milestones. I went from being hungover and ordering pizza to getting up on Saturday morning for a workout and a smoothie. And it all started with that first step. It feels like the first day of high school and you accidentally walk into the wrong room...for 3 weeks. And it never really gets easier, but it gets better. So much fucking better. Keep on trucking Big Bear! You got this shit.


Not listen to this...



It took for me to feel what you are feeling right now. Disgust, depression, low self esteem, and self worth. I was miserable. I wanted the change and I knew WHY I wanted the change. I wanted to wake up every day and feel good. I wanted to fit into some old band shirts I hadn't been able to wear in years. I wanted to stop counting how many X's the shirt had on it before I bought it. And hell yeah, I wanted the compliments! That shit feels good man. I love watching my progress. I love watching the scale drop lower and lower every week. I love watching the loop on the tape measure get smaller and smaller around my waist. I love when those people that made of me or doubted me ask me questions about diet and fitness. I love eating my salad and low carb meals so that when I do get to have that burger, it's fucking magical in mouth.

So here is a little unsolicited advice for you new to a healthier lifestyle. First, just keep doing what you're doing. Every time you do something that is in more of positive direction than you usually do, or did last time is a success. Please try to see it that way. Opting for a chicken sandwhich over the double burger is a success. Doesn't matter that you didn't order the Quinoa with a side arrogance. You moved forward. Keep going. You will gain momentum and you will be unstoppable.

Second you don't have to listen to people. Fuck people. Fuck the internet. Fuck magazines. Fuck your friends. While people mean well in there advice, they can make it harder for you. Everyone has an opinion and an answer to everything and that shit is overwhelming and confusing.  When I started walking, thats right, walking, like a little old lady on Sunday stroll. Although I was listening to metal...anyway...When I started walking people had fucking opinions on how should walk. The funny thing was, I wasn't walking because it is a miracle workout, I was walking to start building the habit of getting up and doing something active. It was an intentional baby step. Walking snowballed into jogging a little and that snowballed into joining a bootcamp. Walking, slow as shit, gained momentum and it hasn't stopped. Then people had opinions on high intensity interval training that you get a bootcamp and told me I should take up running and lifting. Then people told me that running would kill me faster and lifting wouldn't help me lose weight. Then when I wanted a new challenge and started CrossFit and martial arts, people had to take their jabs there for making that move and sending me articles of all the ways people have gotten hurt during a WOD at CrossFit. They didn't ask me what my experience was like, they just assumed some cocksucker on the web had all the answers and I was fucking up. Do what you are comfortable with as little as you need it to be as long as it is a little more than you used to do. If you need to start by walking, then jogging for 20 feet, and then walking home, then do that. Tell everyone else to shut up. When it comes time, you will ask them what you need to ask them. And don't trust the internet. You can literally find articles about how oranges are bad for you. The conflicting information is meant to keep people reading but rarely offers any kind of substance. If you are just starting this journey, then choosing a salad at home over making a run for the border is a big enough decision. Don't worry about looking at the chemical make of the water you are drinking. You will get there. Start with that shit too early and you are doomed. People will make a big deal out of everything you do. The internet will confuse you. Just block them out. If someone is fat, doesn't workout, and snorts french fries, don't listen to them. If someone is fit as fuck with a six pack and they run a 3 minute mile, but they are confusing you, ignore them. People that have always been in shape rarely understand the battle you are going through and think they can overwhelm you. Again, you can always come back to them and ask questions when you are ready. For now, just get that iced tea instead of that Dr. Pepper.

Third, figure out why you are doing this. Have an honest conversation with yourself and figure out what you want and why you want it. Then ask yourself what your plan is going to be. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just something. If you decide to jump on a fad diet wagon, ask yourself what you want out of it. Then how long will it take to accomplish that. Small steps towards doing something you can sustain forever is 10 times better than a giant leap at something that could backfire. Shortcuts are dangerous territory. If you keep making those small steps and small decisions, it will take awhile, but it will last and you won't have to suffer disappointment and frustration.

Forth, don't beat yourself up. Shit happens. You are going to breakdown and have a burger or ice cream or both or both at the same time! You are human and American and life has to be lived. One hiccup isn't the end. It just teaches you a lesson and is an opportunity for you to pay attention to how it feels and what triggered it, and how you can avoid it in the future. In my time working out over the past year I probably should have lost way more. I should be closer to my goal. But a healthy lifestyle is not linear. It is rocky like Colorado friend! If I lost 50 pounds, during that time I gained back 5 or 6 pounds here and there. Then I would have to lose it all over again and then some more. But it wasn't a step back. I was learning when that happened. I was also still building strength, endurance, and speed. Suffer the wipeouts, get back up, analyze it a bit, then move on.

Fifth, take lots of pictures! Before pictures, after pictures, progress pictures, action shots, money shots...er...nope not that one...but you get it. It's fun and motivating and a great way for you to keep track of results.


You have started something awesome because deep down you know you deserve better and you do. You will hate training but you will love putting on smaller clothes and high fives and looks from passers by. Although some of those for me were out of concern the first few times I ran a mile. It sounded like I was snoring while running. Not pretty. But it got better and I've caught some ladies checking me out. Keep going. You got this. Just a little further and little better everyday.

Happy New Year.



PS. Keep checking back and I will post my resolutions within a few days.

Also, share this! Share this for people that may need the push and share this for the people that need to shut the fuck up. I will be happy to talk to them for you. :)

6 Months...6 Songs

It really seems like it's only been a few weeks. I can't believe half a year has gone by since I decided to put down the booze and move on with my life. It certainly has not been easy, but it has been extremely rewarding.

Just like anything else in my life, there are certain songs I have latched onto during this process that have really spoken to me and given me strength when my willpower was at it's failure point. These songs really say it all about how I feel and what it's been like so far.

This is just the progress on the outside...

I have lost a ton of weight. I can sleep at night and more importantly, I can wake up in the morning. When I do wake up, the first thing I do before my feet even hit the floor is let God know how grateful I am. 

I can finally breathe. In more ways than one.

For the first time in 7 years I am 100% off any medication. No more anti-depressants or mood stabilizers. 

Things are good. 

Please enjoy the soundtrack to my sobriety and rebirth. Maybe these songs will speak to you too. I posted the version with the lyrics so you can really get where I am coming from. 

1. Blue October- Overweight

This song really goes out to my awesome girlfriend, friends, family, and God. Dealing with someone that is sick with addiction is hard. I have lost a lot of friendships because of it. Most people bail pretty quickly but there are people that have stood by me every step of the way. I am not at all strong enough to do this on my own. Everyday I am grateful I have these people and this song sums up exactly how I feel about them.

2.Survival- Eminem

When I decided to get sober and healthy, it wasn't because I was just tired, it was a matter of survival. My health was suffering, I was depressed, and wasn't sure how much longer I would make it. If I didn't end up in jail, I would have ended up dead. I thought about it a lot. I was going nowhere in terms of a career and became more introverted than ever. Whatever energy I had left, I mustered up, and did this for survival. 

3.Fear- Blue October

One of the hardest things for me was taking the first step and then the 2nd 3rd 4th and so on. I still struggle. One of the biggest struggles for me is fear. The addicted lifestyle was all I knew. Most of my relationships were based around drinking. I was terrified to let go. Somehow I felt safer in my self created hell. When I got the strength to reach up and ask God to help, it was one of scariest moments of my life. Fear is a motherfucker man. But I know now that I don't have to fall apart and people love me without playing the cartoon character I was before. This song made me cry the first time I heard it because it rang so true.

4. Shackled and Drawn - Bruce Springsteen

This song reminded me that I am still a man and I still have responsibilities. It tells me that as long as you are working it is hard to fuck up. Problems will always be here, but I have to man up, face them, deal with them, and keep moving forward. Alcohol made me feel like less of a man, but that is certainly not the case anymore.

5. Not Afraid - Eminem

Haha, you had to know this one was coming. This is a powerful song when it comes to recovery. When I started going to meetings, I learned that I am not the only person going through this shit. I am not alone in this fight. It also reminds me to be of service to people that need it and want it. Again, fear is one the biggest obstacles to overcome in all aspects of recovery. I can say now, that although I have a long road ahead of me, I am not afraid of what is around the next corner. I feel stronger than ever right now.

6. Indestructible- Disturbed

7 or 8 years ago, with booze in hand, I tried to end it all. I tried taking myself out because I couldn't take it anymore. I survived that but just kept medicated with beer for all the long long years to come. I was the darkest time of my life. I could not face the terror of my childhood, the problems I had right in front of me, or the challenges the future would hold. I didnt feel like I deserved any thing good in my life and I destroyed anything that I came across. Now, 6 months into this long journey, I look back and see that the booze, horrible enemies and even worse friends could not break me. Somewhere inside me was a strength keeping me going. Now I can walk with my head high and I know I am real motherfucker is someone tries to take my happiness away. My life has been a battle but so far...I am indestructible.

Thanks to all of you that love me and put up with my shit. 

Rock!

.........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Keep going.....................................There is more.......................................................

SECRET SONG! Remember those? haha...

This last song is there as a reminder that the only way I can move forward is to keep a crisp picture of the past. Sometimes I have to feel the pain, and taste the horrible taste of my past. It keeps me motivated. If you can't remember how hot the fire is, you are destined to burn yourself again. I will remember before I forget.

Slipknot- Before I Forget