There are two hefty women walking swiftly and with the form of Rock Em' Sock 'Em Robots at the trail you run every day. Every 20 yards you have to run around these Big Bettys.
The fresh food isle is full of meandering couch potato zombies, staring at apples like a 12 year old boy at a boob. Confused and hungry.
You know most of these people are just going to fall off the wagon in a couple of weeks so why do they even bother? Right?
Well Fuck you!
I say go on with your bad self Rock Em Sock Em Bettys, and dude that is fucking the work out machine, and alien apple people! You are doing exactly what you are supposed to do! You are awkwardly feeling your way through the dark to the light! You have taken that first step, the hardest and scariest one. You got this. Just keep going. You are doing great already.
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I was that guy. I had to suffer the judgmental looks from Golds Gym Tank top wearing ass hats just like you. I had to fumble through weeks of bootcamp before I didn't feel like vomiting after the warm up. I had to walk around the grocery store like a fucking idiot for months before I understood what I really needed to buy, how much, and what kind. And guess what? I am still overweight. I am still learning. I am still awkwardly stumbling around like a Pop-Tard. BUT! Last year I lost 50 pounds and 9 inches off my waist. I went from 10 minute mile and having to stop to running an average of an 8.5 minute mile, with my best time at 7:30! I went from sweating on my couch in the summer to running the Zombie Run and getting a Survivor Medal at the end. Then following it up with another 5k a couple of months later. For some people these are barely a blips on their fitness radar, but for me they are huge fucking milestones. I went from being hungover and ordering pizza to getting up on Saturday morning for a workout and a smoothie. And it all started with that first step. It feels like the first day of high school and you accidentally walk into the wrong room...for 3 weeks. And it never really gets easier, but it gets better. So much fucking better. Keep on trucking Big Bear! You got this shit.
Not listen to this...
It took for me to feel what you are feeling right now. Disgust, depression, low self esteem, and self worth. I was miserable. I wanted the change and I knew WHY I wanted the change. I wanted to wake up every day and feel good. I wanted to fit into some old band shirts I hadn't been able to wear in years. I wanted to stop counting how many X's the shirt had on it before I bought it. And hell yeah, I wanted the compliments! That shit feels good man. I love watching my progress. I love watching the scale drop lower and lower every week. I love watching the loop on the tape measure get smaller and smaller around my waist. I love when those people that made of me or doubted me ask me questions about diet and fitness. I love eating my salad and low carb meals so that when I do get to have that burger, it's fucking magical in mouth.
So here is a little unsolicited advice for you new to a healthier lifestyle. First, just keep doing what you're doing. Every time you do something that is in more of positive direction than you usually do, or did last time is a success. Please try to see it that way. Opting for a chicken sandwhich over the double burger is a success. Doesn't matter that you didn't order the Quinoa with a side arrogance. You moved forward. Keep going. You will gain momentum and you will be unstoppable.
Second you don't have to listen to people. Fuck people. Fuck the internet. Fuck magazines. Fuck your friends. While people mean well in there advice, they can make it harder for you. Everyone has an opinion and an answer to everything and that shit is overwhelming and confusing. When I started walking, thats right, walking, like a little old lady on Sunday stroll. Although I was listening to metal...anyway...When I started walking people had fucking opinions on how should walk. The funny thing was, I wasn't walking because it is a miracle workout, I was walking to start building the habit of getting up and doing something active. It was an intentional baby step. Walking snowballed into jogging a little and that snowballed into joining a bootcamp. Walking, slow as shit, gained momentum and it hasn't stopped. Then people had opinions on high intensity interval training that you get a bootcamp and told me I should take up running and lifting. Then people told me that running would kill me faster and lifting wouldn't help me lose weight. Then when I wanted a new challenge and started CrossFit and martial arts, people had to take their jabs there for making that move and sending me articles of all the ways people have gotten hurt during a WOD at CrossFit. They didn't ask me what my experience was like, they just assumed some cocksucker on the web had all the answers and I was fucking up. Do what you are comfortable with as little as you need it to be as long as it is a little more than you used to do. If you need to start by walking, then jogging for 20 feet, and then walking home, then do that. Tell everyone else to shut up. When it comes time, you will ask them what you need to ask them. And don't trust the internet. You can literally find articles about how oranges are bad for you. The conflicting information is meant to keep people reading but rarely offers any kind of substance. If you are just starting this journey, then choosing a salad at home over making a run for the border is a big enough decision. Don't worry about looking at the chemical make of the water you are drinking. You will get there. Start with that shit too early and you are doomed. People will make a big deal out of everything you do. The internet will confuse you. Just block them out. If someone is fat, doesn't workout, and snorts french fries, don't listen to them. If someone is fit as fuck with a six pack and they run a 3 minute mile, but they are confusing you, ignore them. People that have always been in shape rarely understand the battle you are going through and think they can overwhelm you. Again, you can always come back to them and ask questions when you are ready. For now, just get that iced tea instead of that Dr. Pepper.
Third, figure out why you are doing this. Have an honest conversation with yourself and figure out what you want and why you want it. Then ask yourself what your plan is going to be. It doesn't have to be perfect. Just something. If you decide to jump on a fad diet wagon, ask yourself what you want out of it. Then how long will it take to accomplish that. Small steps towards doing something you can sustain forever is 10 times better than a giant leap at something that could backfire. Shortcuts are dangerous territory. If you keep making those small steps and small decisions, it will take awhile, but it will last and you won't have to suffer disappointment and frustration.
Forth, don't beat yourself up. Shit happens. You are going to breakdown and have a burger or ice cream or both or both at the same time! You are human and American and life has to be lived. One hiccup isn't the end. It just teaches you a lesson and is an opportunity for you to pay attention to how it feels and what triggered it, and how you can avoid it in the future. In my time working out over the past year I probably should have lost way more. I should be closer to my goal. But a healthy lifestyle is not linear. It is rocky like Colorado friend! If I lost 50 pounds, during that time I gained back 5 or 6 pounds here and there. Then I would have to lose it all over again and then some more. But it wasn't a step back. I was learning when that happened. I was also still building strength, endurance, and speed. Suffer the wipeouts, get back up, analyze it a bit, then move on.
Fifth, take lots of pictures! Before pictures, after pictures, progress pictures, action shots, money shots...er...nope not that one...but you get it. It's fun and motivating and a great way for you to keep track of results.
You have started something awesome because deep down you know you deserve better and you do. You will hate training but you will love putting on smaller clothes and high fives and looks from passers by. Although some of those for me were out of concern the first few times I ran a mile. It sounded like I was snoring while running. Not pretty. But it got better and I've caught some ladies checking me out. Keep going. You got this. Just a little further and little better everyday.
Happy New Year.
PS. Keep checking back and I will post my resolutions within a few days.
Also, share this! Share this for people that may need the push and share this for the people that need to shut the fuck up. I will be happy to talk to them for you. :)
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