Looking for Sidekick/PA Until College is Over (east austin)
First lets get some requirements out of the way...
You have to be female. Bro's I know this should be equal opportunity but hanging with chicks is usually more fun. Plus chicks are cuter and easier to lift into windows in case we decide to do any crime. Also most of my ghost hunting is more successful when I have a female offerings to perverted dead ghost dudes.
Ladies...this is not a sexual gig...I have a girlfriend that works very hard and it usually is just easier if she doesn't have to participate in these adventures. Also she does not like ghosts.
You must be attractive. Uglier women tend to be distracting as you cannot tell if they just look a certain way or if they are angry or need to be fed.
You must like Heavy Metal music, Classic Rock, and Snickers Bars.
Dancing skills are pretty helpful in case we meet some bitch girls or dudes that challenge us to a dance off to defend our rep.
Singing skills would be great just so we can harmonize.
It's helpful if you are short...my shoes come untied and often when I bend to tie them my crack shows and that can be embarrassing for both of us.
You must also know how to tie shoes.
This was not "Daisy's" strong suit as they would come untied again...often...and she would have to start the process over again.
No Gamers. I am terrible at video games and do not want to hear you tell me about them for hours and hours. I don't care how long it took you to beat it.
Strong preferred if you have big boobs in the event of a swimming accident.
Having a car would be a step up. But not too nice of one and then we have to take your car everywhere but you drive like an asshole and then we argue and then I have start this whole thing over again. I am thinking about the long term here.
I have a bike. If you have a bike...we can rock the Greenbelt or practice wheeleys at Auditorium shores so as people will know we are awesome.
Must have a decent pair of sunglasses and look cool as shit with them on. A photo will be required.
Must love dogs. If you are not a dog person, don't even respond. Go back to blowing Satan or whatever you people do.
You have to make a happy plate. I like to eat delicious food stuffs riddled with hearty red meat and burgers the size of your head. I need you to be able to keep on this and not embarrass me in front of everyone at hopdoddy when you can't finish your Terilinqua.
Must like hopdoddy.
Karate skills are not required but we will get plenty of practice in case Johnny and those assholes from Cobra Kai show up again.
Non drinker preferred, light drinker is ok. You are my sidekick and I don't want to have to carry you out of places or listen to why you can't seem to find a good guy while picking pieces of puke from your hair. (Daisy is a non-drinker.)
Finally, this is just a short-term gig unless you have what it takes! One Daisy could come back and shit could get pretty awkward when you're trying to ride shotgun but she just ASSUMES she can ride shotgun and then a pistol comes out.
Also please do not be a gun carrier.
A photo will be required. Please reply to the email with one.
You must be up to date on all your shots and not have any physical quirks that might be hard for me to over look and then I have to pretend all day like one of your eyes isn't mad at the rest of your face.
Looking for someone to start ASAP...I almost done with all the seasons of The Office on Netflix and shit is about to get real.
Thanks and Godspeed.
(This is a non-paying gig in terms of actual cash. But some of the richest people I know are the ones with the most friends. Strangely enough the people with lots of friends always have cash too...weird...Well, then you'll be on your way...)
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