Weight Loss Information Overload!

Yeah I know a lot of my recent entries are about fitness and healthy living. Well, I write about what I am going through because that is what's happening in my brain.

When it comes to fitness and healthy living there is a lot of information out there. There are a ton of people that want to help and offer advice. Some of these people know what they are talking about. In fact, they know too much and it is annoying. Then there are the folks that are still super unhealthy but still for some reason think that the advice they have to offer is somehow valuable in some way. More annoying. So let's start with them.

There are certain topics of conversation that everyone has some kind of input in. Wondering what is wrong with your car? Post it on Facebook and suddenly all your friends are mechanics or they know a guy. Have some obscure legal issue? Bring that up and everyone you know becomes a lawyer. Want to lose weight? Well everyone that owns a tv or has internet access thinks they are fucking Julian Michaels or something. From there permanent roots on the couch or in their chair, they will spill all kinds of advice, info, and not well researched internet sputum all over you. They will justify this advice as someone they know did it and it worked or they had done in their past and it were successful. This is often followed by the excuse as to why they are not doing it now.

"Well since the baby..."
"I just work too much..."
"Since I got sick..."

And the list goes on. They should google articles on how to overcome making lame excuses. Getting in shape and healthy is hard and I am not going to listen to someone in worse shape than me give me advice on how to better my situation. I don't go to McDonalds expecting to find some healthy food. So if you are that person, shut the fuck up. I know you want to be a part of the conversation and come across smart. The thing is, you have to earn that. Go work out, eat healthy, and struggle with all the mental bullshit that comes with the lifestyle and then you can join the group. Until then, shove another cheesey poof in your mouth and watch TV quietly.



The second group of people are the that are already and always have been in shape. Now these people do come to the table with some credibility. Obviously they have the shit worked out, they have good habits, and probably know a few tricks of the trade. What they do not know is the struggle of going from being fat and out of shape to making better decisions, changing your habits, and working out the mechanics of everything you fucking do every day. People like me have had to completely change the way we think. We started at a deficit. And while we love hearing tips, advice, and best practices, it can become a little overbearing when someone doesn't understand why you don't just immediately get it or change instantly. A good portion of this is mental and emotional. We are becoming different people. Before you start spouting off how easy it is, remember that you didn't start where we did. Lend a hand, be encouraging, but know when to back the fuck off.


The last group can include people that have lost the weight or the people that have always been healthy. But these people are the people that will flood you with information, tips, advice, tricks, and so on. It never ends. And once you think you have tackled one challenge, their "help" tends to make you think you have taken a step back. These are the extremists.

You eat a banana and they will tell you that you ate the wrong kind of banana at the wrong time of day with the wrong hand at the wrong house on the wrong planet.

Fuck you.

The reality is that people that struggle with weight issues are professional rationalizers and excuse makers. Sorry if this hurts feelings but it's the truth. I don't buy into the million and one excuses I hear all the time. If you want it, if your life depended on it, you would find a way to do it. But once you have made the realization and you have started down the path, that is awesome. No one is perfect and there are going to be a lot of challenges in the way that you will have to overcome. Some big but most of them are small minute to minute decisions that you didn't even realize were affecting you in the past. A good example is Mayo vs. Mustard. Your favorite maybe mayo but mustard is the obvious better choice for weightloss. It's crazy because before you just answered without thinking and now you are having to stop and think about it. Each tiny decision like that takes a toll throughout the day.

So when there are these people out there that start regurgitating everything they read on douchefitness.com about how there are radio active meteor particles from the government in your Cheerios, it then becomes another fucking challenge. All the information blends together and you can't remember which vegetables are good and which ones are laced with heroin.

My advice is this. Keep making the small steps and ignore all the information that is not relevant to what you are doing right at that moment. You will figure out the deeper science of things along the way and gradually but right now you are just trying to accomplish one small goal at a time. Don't worry about where the chickens are raised that lay the eggs you are going to eat in the morning. Just make sure you are eating a healthy portion and not snorting pancake batter for breakfast. It's one better decision at a time.

When you are hungry and out and about, your old habit tells you to just swing through Taco Bell because you are busy. Maybe this time, just go to Subway. Even if you get a super unhealthy sandwich, you made a better decision than to keep on the path of Taco Bell. Start there.

When you are grocery shopping, you don't have to read the back of every box you pick up. You know whole wheat tortillas are the better choice than regular ones. You know that even though milk is bad for you, 2% is better than whole milk. Drink lots of energy drinks? Try some coffee instead. Want a soda? Maybe a water this time.

When you reach out grab something, just think what the slightly better alternative to that will be. Eventually, your whole grocery basket will look different. Instead of boxes and boxes of processed food and frozen dinners, there will be more fresh food. The key word is eventually.

My point is that in this overly conscious and slacktivism driven world, no matter what you buy, someone is going to tell you that there is something better. Or how one ingredient in it has been proven to kill rats. Everyone thinks they are informed and will try to help with shit that doesn't help what you are dealing with right now at this very moment in your life. If you can train your brain to go on autopilot of those small decisions that we deal with day to day or minute by minute, then you can focus your attention on the bigger things like joining a work out program or really drilling down on your eating habits and what you are eating. It all starts with habits. It all starts small. For me this whole things started with booze. It was killing me. So I decided to get rid of it. When I did that, that is all I did. I didn't care what I ate, I didn't exercise, I smoked, and I did pretty much whatever I wanted to as long as I didn't drink. Goals are important to have, and setting deadlines is helpful, so I set some soft deadlines to reevaluate things when I go to them. The first 3 months of being sober I didn't do shit because a person only has so much willpower and decision making ability to spread around through the day. After 3 months, I reevaluated where I was and made the decision to start eating healthier. And where did I start? Just by making small better choices. Cooking at home instead of eating out. Wheat instead of white and so on...After a little time, about 2 months I stepped it up to full on clean eating, food measuring, ingredient reading kind of stuff. I gave myself nearly 6 months to start all of that. In that 6 months I still last 30 pounds and I didn't die of corporate poisoned food. Weird huh?

My biggest piece of advice if you want to take it is keep it as simple as you can. Just make sure you are at least stepping in the ride direction before you start running. That is the easiest way to get frustrated and have a burger out of sheer spite. Don't listen to everything everyone has to say. You aren't stupid. You are just learning and practicing. Tony Romo can tell you how to through the perfect pass but you have to practice at it and fuck it up a few times before it will come to you. Set some goals but dial them back a notch. If you want advice, ask someone but be careful who you ask. Beware the extremists. They can be more of a problem than a help.


As I am typing this I realized there is one last group I can quickly mention...The "Short Cutters"

Anyone that tries to sell you something, or mentions something that is going to "knock that weight right off" is an asshole. Healthy eating and living is a lifestyle. It is habit. It is not easy at first. But there is no shortcut. Sure, if you are in situation of lose 100 pounds or you will die in the next year, then you may need to do something extreme and I am sure a doctor or nutritionist will be available to guide you through that. Other than that, smoothie fasts, pills, and deprivation diets are stupid. You have to just learn how to eat right and the right things to eat. This has to last you the rest of life. Not 7 days of drinking of chocolate flavored powder that makes you poop 8 times a day. Network marketing nerds are the worst about this. The problem is they are not health specialists, they are sales people and have no business suggesting this to anyone. We need food. There is no 3 weeks to sexy beach abs for people that are 20 pounds or more overweight. There is a bigger issue that has to be addressed gradually. The biggest reason for that is so after you literally work that ass off, it doesn't come back. Also most of those things just make it harder to lose the weight the next time. There are no shortcuts but you have your whole life to live and you don't have to be in a hurry. When you do it right the first time, you will feel a lot better about it and those same assholes will be out there on yo-yo diets spending hundreds of dollars on garbage. Just eat! Eat well! Stay hydrated and don't let yourself get hungry!

God bless you if you are just starting the transition.  If you are in the thick of it, keep going! That is where I am. If you have made it to your goal weight, encourage people but don't be a douchebag about it. Try to remember how if felt for you.

That being said, I am hungry and I need to eat my lunch.

Learning Life Lessons From Zombies

My most recent life adventure has been healthy living and fitness. I have never really been a fit or athletic kind of guy. Unless of course you count holding records for holding down a couch for the longest period of time without having a disability or reason to do so. I am also pretty sure I have won the 12oz curl competition a few times in the past. Either way, this is all still pretty new to me.

In reaching out to other fit folks and people that have gone down this path before me, one of the best nuggets of advice that was given was to give myself a goal. A goal outside of weight loss or inches lost. I needed to be preparing for something tangible. Some people said they needed to drop a certain amount of weight before a vacation, a wedding, or some other thing that I don't really have the inclination to do at this time. But in doing some reading I saw that a lot of people signed up for 5ks,10ks, marathons and whatnot. I am pretty confident but not an idiot so 10ks and marathons were not an option. I'm not in a movie montage preparing for the greatest achievement of life so I can win the girl and save the community rec center! But I needed something so a 5k seemed to fit. It's not really my style to wake up at 6am so I can go job behind some couple pushing their kids in a stroller through downtown Austin. Too wholesome...After some Google time, I found the Zombie Run. It was at night. It was badass. It was Rock N Roll. I was in.

Now, being fit and eating healthy will teach you a lot about who you are. No doubt. But Never having run a 5k before, much less a 5k running from Zombies...You learn a lot more about yourself. Here is what I learned about myself running through 3 miles of darkness and zombies.

1. When survival is on the line... Integrity is relative.
Running against other runners to see who is the fastest, or against the clock is one thing. The name of the game is speed and fair competition is warranted. But I wasn't running The Juice Box 5k. I was in the middle of a fucking zombie apocalypse. From the moment you arrive they push to get you into the true spirit of things, so I did just that. What exactly did I do that people may think fall into the realm of "cheating"...well some things that I will hold to myself because they are strategic in my mind and not up for debate. I did not hide my flags. I did find some extras on the ground as I went and those may or may not have been used to replace ones I lost to zombie ambush. In the actual ZA, you can't tell me that you would not pick up whatever you could to prolong your life. When survival is on the line...integrity is relative.

2. When survival is on the line... You are capable of more than you think.
I signed up for the race about 3 months before it actually happened. I was optimistic and felt I had plenty of time to prepare. And in a way I did prepare. I went to bootcamp consistently 4-6 times per week. I went and worked on my running...but not much. I had really never ran 3 miles. And up until the day of the race, I still had not run that distance. Procrastination was my enemy. It was there to take me down. I was sure that a few hundred yards into the run I would have lost my flags and breath and had to walk out of there head hung low and tail between legs. The one thing I did have on my side was the foresight to rest, fuel, and hydrate properly. I warmed up like I would for bootcamp, dressed accordingly, and kept my mind optimistic even though a small part of me was struggling. In fact the few days before I even tried to think of a way out of doing it. But I was invested $80 bucks and had already told a bunch of people...had to follow through. Standing at the starting line, alone, but in a crowd of 200 people, I looked up and saw a meteor flash across the sky, break in two, then disappear. This was a sign. It sounds lame, but I needed whatever I could get at that moment so I took it. It was a sign for me and 200 other people. So what. Shut up.

We lined up. "Mind your breathing. Watch your pace. Stay vigilant." I reminded myself. It was time to start. With a scream from approaching zombies, we were off. Running for our lives in the first 100 yard stretch straight into a wall of flames that we had to jump over. This was just the beginning. My blood was pumping. Adrenaline exploded in my veins. It was on.

By the time I made it to the first mile marker, I was barely winded. I jumped, juked, spun, ducked, and jumped around obstacles and zombies like I was on a mission. Every hill climbed, dark corner navigated, and zombie left behind seem to push me harder.

My insecurity about the whole things faded and now it was do or die. I did and I did not die.

3. When in a Survival Situations, Some people are best fed to the beasts.

 Aligning yourself with a group is great, if not just to offer some people up as sacrifice so you may advance.
This seems harsh but in the game of survival, a weakling will get you killed. If not you, then someone else or multiple people. One of my strategies was to follow groups of people into zombie zones in and in the midst of the of the chaos, use them as a distraction to move forward. A couple of times I may have given someone a little nudge in the wrong direction so that I could stay alive. When no one is watching your back, and you are defenseless, you gotta do what you gotta do.

4. When strategy Is not an option, one must use brute force.

As I came to the last stretch of the run, there was one lone Zombie standing in my way. It was just me and him. It was too late to turn back and align with a group. I stopped running for a second as he was about 50 yards away. I took a moment to catch my breath and size him up. He was there to take any remaining lives the runners had. He was not going to take mine. My brain calculated different routes to run around him and moves to avoid his hands. The course was too narrow at that point. The was no way around him with sacrificing a life. The only option I had was to go straight through him. I put my head down, made eye contact and ran as hard as I could directly at him. In true character he stood his ground thinking there would be a last minute juke move but when I got close enough he could smell me, he dove out of the way. This time I was on the offensive and he wanted no part of it. Sometimes you just have to run head on into what you are facing, calculate the risks, and accept the consequences. For me, it was 3 flags still securely Velcroed to my belt. I survived.

Never really thought Zombies could be so insightful. But to me, that run represented how I handle things in life. Sometimes life is about survival and you do what you have to. When you are alone you find ways to make it through each obstacle. You find ways around people standing in your way, or you run them the fuck over. At the end of the day it is about making it through with all your flags in tact. You don't have to win the same way someone else wins...You just have to win.

9 Months, A Weight Off My Shoulders and My Ass

"If you want to live life on your own terms, you gotta be willing to crash and burn."-Motley Crue

I have spent the better part of my life trying to live the Rock N Roll lifestyle. I wanted to be different, unique, buck the stereotype and never be victim to trends or accept that I could be average. I got my tattoos, I was in a band, I dated pretty girls and I partied like I invented it. For the most part, people loved being a part of my shenanigans but no one ever liked suffering the consequences. Somehow I found a way to be indifferent to consequences and suppress all empathy for those involved and the people that I hurt. I was fun but I was an asshole. So much of an asshole that that is usually how people would describe me. Funny thing was that I was never alone. Maybe people enjoyed the ride or maybe people just loving watching a train wreck. I don't know.

9 months ago I woke up hungover, in pain, disgusted with myself and called into work...again. I lied to everyone that day because I was so ashamed of myself for not only drinking a case of beer alone but the fact that I couldn't handle it and had to call into work.

I laid on the couch with the TV off and just let the misery of the hangover really sink in. I made myself aware of every feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally. I really soaked it in.

Feeling the guilties crawling all over me like ants I took some stock of where I was in my life. I asked myself just how unique and different I felt. How "Rock N Roll" was I feeling at this moment? How badass was I right now?

I was useless. I took stock of alienated friends, disgusted acquaintances, and every time I acted like an animal at the expense of others. Fuck man. That was a hard mirror to look into.

I had become stereotype, a statistic, a loser, and a drunk. I was 270 pounds of pure bitterness and angst. I was incapable of excelling at anything, I could not follow through, and worst of all I couldn't allow myself to get close to anyone. The music video life had ended and now I was just a sad 31 year old trying to keep some youthful dream alive with booze and loud music. I was just fatter and angrier than I had been before.

So we all know the story from my previous post about getting sober. That day was my epiphany or moment of clarity or whatever you want to call it. I nursed the hang over and resolved to change the cycle. I got my ass up and went to a meeting. I baby stepped the process and didn't overwhelm myself with a lot of resolutions all at once. I just needed to keep from drinking. I ate what I wanted, I smoked, and just sat on my ass. Whatever it took or didn't take to stay sober. That was priority one.

One thing I learned from those meetings is that I really wasn't different or unique at all. Mostly, drunks and addicts are the same. Self centered people incapable of moving forward. It was eye opening. Now, it did give me some perspective though. I guess I am what you call a high bottom drunk because I didn't go through near the hell that others have. I don't have a criminal record, I didn't hurt anyone physically, and I didn't have much to begin with but I never lost everything to the point of camping on a park bench. Addiction has taken people some crazy places and I am grateful everyday that I never had to go there. God must have been looking out for me more than I knew. Him and all of my great friends that put up with my shit so long and didn't want to see me die.

Sobriety is funny in that the first few months are pure momentum. You make it known you are sober, you are excited at the thought of your new life and everyday is a victory. After those first few months, reality sets in. The boredom comes. Then the thought you are missing out things because you have to avoid temptation. People treat you differently. It just becomes real. You realize this isn't just a think you are doing that has some stop date and everything can go back to what you are used to. You are different now. Life is different. And just about the time you think things are getting easier, they actually become more challenging.

This is the point that I had to take another look at myself in that cold hard mirror.

When I stopped drinking things improved 1000 fold for me. Whether it be divine intervention or just opportunity meets preparation, things got better. I had a new job that I loved. A new truck. I had money in my pocket and I felt great. Everyday I woke up, and still do, and tell God, my higher power, the universe how eternally grateful I am to have what I have. But things still were not where they should be. Now I was just a recovering alcoholic hiding in my house and in meetings to avoid the real world. I was still stagnating and I had to move. My ambition was atrophied.

This treadmill had it's own consequences. I was still sad, lazy, and fat as fuck. It was time to take the next step. I had to get healthy. Mind, body, and soul. I started focusing on my diet and repairing the damage I had done over the previous 15 years of my life. I got on a meal plan, supplements, and a very moderate workout routine. The pounds started coming off. When I weighed in at 271 pounds the first day with my nutritionist, I was profoundly disappointed in myself. I had John Goodman jowls and giant gut. I could literally get tired while doing absolutely nothing. At a physical they told me I had the lungs of a 50 year old and my weight was going to become a big concern. Honestly when I started I figured this would not last. I had gotten on health kicks before and then made excuses for myself to abandon the practice fairly quickly. But being that I was less influenced by outside forces these days due to my self imposed isolation, I surprisingly stuck to it long enough to see results. The first picture I took on the scale was when I dropped below 260 pounds. I had lost 14 pounds. That was huge. I felt like a million bucks that day. The momentum started up again. I was feeling great.

The next step was to step up my fitness game. I was losing weight and feeling healthier but years of drinking and sitting on my ass had made me weaker and shaped like a fat pair. A gym membership was doing me no fucking good. I would go in there without a plan and workout until I was bored. I got bored quickly. I never gave a shit if anyone was judging because fuck everyone else, but the gym is boring. Especially when you don't know what the fuck you are doing. So I started walking and jogging...eh...mostly walking. This too was boring. That also brings up something I learned in AA. "Half measure availed us nothing." Baby steps are the way to go when trying to overcome addiction and when trying to change your life. But there are certain goals that compromising and not putting in some hard work will just lead you to frustration. I didn't want to be one of those people that say they are going to lose weight and the take a brisk 30 minute walk 3 times a week. That shit don't work. I am not a 60 year old with joint pain. I am capable of more. Maybe that was new found confidence but you can't make the decision to make a huge change and not put in huge work to achieve it.

Under the recommendation of my food coach, I joined a high intensity fitness boot camp. I signed up for the 5:30am class and the first day drove to the wrong camp and almost gave up. Fuck 5:30am. At that time of day it still feels like yesterday. My brain does not work at that hour. So I made it out to another class. We started working out. We did some warm up kicking and swinging arms, then some jumping jacks, some other things, ran a bit and so on. I was beat. Vomit almost happened. That's when the instructor, Brian, said "Ok, now we are warmed up, lets get into the workout." I almost left right then. Really, that was the warm up? Holy shit. I struggled through the rest of the class to finish the workout and hold back my puke. I sweat more than I had ever sweat. I felt defeated. I thought this can only get easier so I went to another class. Same thing. I hated it. I told myself that this wasn't for me. I don't like this kind of thing, blah blah blah. Talking myself out of it. I emailed the company and cancelled my membership so they wouldn't charge me again. As soon as they did that, Brian emailed me and said he really hated to see me go and that he thought I was doing great. He said I should at least finish the weeks I had paid for and see how felt. I did pay for that shit, so I kept going. A couple weeks later down 12 more pounds. Boom. Momentum. I was below 250 pounds now and that was like a fucking giant golden trophy to me.

3 months or more later I go everyday, sometimes 6 days a week. The funny thing is that it never gets easier, but it has gotten so much better.

Having someone give you instruction and plan is the key to the fitness. But the key to continuing is the encouragement, accountability, and friendships that you make with your fellow campers. Everyone of all fitness levels are there for the same thing. It gets to the point if you don't go, you miss it. It becomes a priority in your life. It keeps you on the right path because when you make a lot of progress, you don't want to take steps backward. Its too hard to get where you are.

Now I am down 42 pounds. I am 9 months sober. Still kicking ass at my new job and able to be back out in the real world without being afraid the ghosts of my past will haunt me. I am a new person....kind of. See the thing I realized through all this is that now I really am different, unique, and bucking the stereotype. I can put on some Rob Zombie and run a mile and feel like an actual badass anytime my time improves. I get fucking pumped when I kill a workout. I don't fit the mold of angsty band failure guy anymore. The most Rock N Roll thing I have ever done for myself was break that mold. I am not turning into the person I feared before. I just keep getting better. I am the badass I always thought I was before. I am a grateful, hardworking badass. hahaha

9 months sober is still a short time relatively to what I have ahead of me. But I know there are others out there struggling to break the cycle of self punishment that want to be better and happier. I also know that there are people that truly believed I could never do something like this, and hopefully they can see that I did and realize they can too. Maybe even easier and better than I have done it.

The other reason to post this is for all the people that have been there for me. Not just through this stuff. Not just the good stuff, but the bad stuff. The people that never gave up on me even when they should have. The people that carried to bed when I was too drunk to walk. The people that came and gave me rides when I would randomly get wasted with no money. The people that always said they knew I was great. My girlfriend for being so patient and loving me unconditionally and modifying her life to help me.

I also want to say thank you and I am sorry to the people that stayed around as long as they could, but due to self preservation had to make the break from my life. Sometimes I wish I could have done this sooner so you can see the man I have become and know that I could not have done without you. I am sorry that I pushed you away so hard when you tried to stay by me but thank you for carrying me when you did.

I am always here to talk or listen if anyone needs me. Change is possible and it feels great.

Thanks for reading.