Sunday, November 10, 2013

40 Days and 40 Nights: A Drop in the Bucket




A broken mind can find any reason to self destruct. The Friday at work was pretty typical. Dealing with irate customers over and over and day dreaming about being anywhere other than in a cubicle. One particularly angry customer and a lazy supervisor unwilling to offer support, along with my temper set things in motion. The actual story of what happened is actually pretty boring and not really worth going into. That's how petty something can be to trigger my self abuse.

The fuse was lit and my mind put together an all too familiar plan. I just needed to unwind, decompress, and have a few beers to settle down. I had a few in the fridge but for good measure stopped by and grabbed another 12ver on my way home. Before reaching the house, I ripped open the box and popped the can. Then the gleeful sound of the can opening. The pop, click,and hiss. I could relax in the calm before the storm.

Once I got home, I realize I had about 12 beers. Ok, good news, I'll have a few for tomorrow. Saved myself a trip to the store tomorrow. After all, all I am going to do is have a few, watch some TV and dick around on Facebook. Maybe I'd get a little buzz and think of something clever for people to respond to. Kim called, and I poured out my negativity on her instead of taking some time to actually visit and enjoy being able to talk to her. Spewing constant negativity and hopeless rants about inane bullshit on the ones you love is not conducive to healthy relationships, just for the record. By then I had a good buzz though. After verbally vomiting on my girlfriend, we hung up, I popped another can. Pop, click, hiss. Almost numb.

I got on the computer and posted something meaningless hoping for some response to combat the boredom. I put some music on the PA and turned it up. I reflected on the situation at work periodically and opened more beer. I opened my blog here and started a rant on how unfairly I am treated at work. Bitterness, anger, cynicism, and negativity took the wheel. More beer, more numb, more anger. On the flipside, I got that awesome invincible alcohol feeling, and told myself that things would change. I was above that job, I was better than everyone at that job, and I'd be fine. I'm Preston Fucking Wilson, and I am a creator of awesome shit! Drunken optimism gave way to the darker, destructive, and evil thoughts. Suicidal thoughts? Sure, I think that is standard for any addict. But those pass quickly. When real emotions present, cynicism, anger, and manipulative thoughts take over. How can I get what I want? Who can I take it from? How can I avoid actually dealing with reality just a little longer?

Compute, loud music, occasional conversations with dogs, more beer. My case of beer turned into a 12 pack, then into a 6 pack....panic set in. Was I going to need to go get more? I wasn't done. I had more nothing to do. It was getting late anyway. I was drunk, manic, and really needed sleep. I went into the bathroom, grabbed a couple Xanax, washed them down with my Lone Star. I'd be out soon.

Finally, even my thoughts become slurred and the meds kicked in. All the beer was gone. The only beer left was the half beer I forgot about and left sitting on the coffee table. I went to my bedroom. I turned on the tv, turned out the lights and laid down. Within minutes, the sweet mercy of sleep swept me off.

7:00am, the alarm went off. Resonating with the power of a tornado siren, briefly, I thought it was part of a dream. It wasn't. The reality of the day was here. Before my eyes even opened, immediate regret set in. "What the fuck was I thinking?" A question I have asked a million times but have never really been able to find the answer to.

My body was heavy and almost cramping up from dehydration. Not to mention, it wasn't rested at all. My eyes begrudgingly pulled themselves open, burning, and unable to focus. I turned on the lamp and was blinded. My stomach burned and churned with undigested booze and Doritos. It rumbled and boiled like one of those underwater volcanoes.  My mouth was dry, and my throat was sore from lack of water and my drunken snoring. But even the thought of taking a drink of water made me sick. All of this paled in comparison to the ball pin hammer assault happening on my skull. This was the dark hangover road I had traveled a thousand times before. I knew there was no cure. Only time and water would set me straight until the avalanche of hunger hit my nutrient depleted body. Then I could over compensate by eating a deep fried mess of nonsense that would spike my insulin levels. Just get through all that and I could go to bed early and put that wasted day behind me. I would push it deep down and try not to think about it again.

It was a brutal day. Days like that, you would think, would teach someone a lesson. But it doesn't teach an alcoholic anything. It's just part of life. It's what you do.

That day I did what everyone does the day after a bender, and told myself it was time to cut back, to moderate, and I couldn't do that to myself anymore. I went through the typical bargaining check list. I won't drink during the week or if I have to work the next day. When I do drink, I'll make sure to drink water before, during, and after. I would make sure to stop once I had a buzz instead of continuing on. Maybe I'll just cut out drinking for a few weeks and ease back into it. Sure, this sounds like a decent plan and it should work. Just get through the day Preston, you'll be fine, you've been here before.

You've been here before...

Wait...What?

The great thing about guilt and regret, is that it will allow you to access parts of your memory you have worked very hard to forget. My life started playing like a terrible 90's music CD on repeat in my head. The same tired song, the same chords, to the same beat, with similar angsty, depressed lyrics. I Instantly felt emotionally exhausted. I had become what myself and every other alcoholic said they would never become. I was the guy sitting at home in shorts, flip flops, and a wife beater, drinking alone. I couldn't control it. My bargaining had not worked. My will power had failed me. My theories on how it worked and what I could do to manage were just misguided and delusional ideas in place to keep me safely in a position where I didn't have to accept responsibility or actually do anything about the problem. Holy shit, I'm an alcoholic. Not the funny, social, carefree kind. I was the dark, sick, and dying kind. I was on the tight rope. One slip and my life would be in shambles. I don't have much but I have enough that I don't want to lose it. Fuck man, how have I gotten away with it this far? Fear, guilt, disgust and impending doom hit me like a ten ton hammer. I thought "I can't keep doing this. Something is going to happen. Something terrible." This is typical for hangover days, but this time it really weighed on me. It was choking me. I couldn't breath.  Every horrific scenario of my drunken future starting playing out like a movie in my head. It was like the Ghosts of Drunk Past, Present, and Future were visiting. I was Ebeneezer Screwed man!

Now at this point, I'd like to say that gentle voice came to me and gave me some hope or a message or something but that didn't happen. More than anything fear and confusion set in. What the fuck was I gonna do? What now? I can't keep the beast on a leash forever. I need help. What the fuck do I do?

As I scrolled through ideas, my alcoholic brain would discard them into trash bins labeled pride, ignorance, fear, and delusion. Things seemed hopeless. I was trapped, cursed, and doomed to a life of extreme ups and downs. Dark, staggering, drunken bouts wallowing in my own shit and the powerful recoil of hangovers. The only good news is that I really didn't think my mind or body could handle it long and I could just let it kill me. Fucking grim man. I was trapped in a dark hole and the only tools I would allow myself to use was alcohol and pills.

The day after, the hangover lingered. With age my body and minds resilience isn't what it used to be so the effects of a good bender could last for days after. My mind was cloudy and I felt like that stick figure in a Zoloft commercial. My body was still misfiring, and my blood sugar was completely out of whack. So I continued to mull over my options with what little clarity was coming back to me. "I have to make some kind of move." I told myself. Despite my best efforts, things were not changing. Medication, counseling, bargaining, and moderation do not work.

5 days later, on my day off, I found myself scared out of my mind sitting outside dusty building in a business park that had seen better days. You could tell this was cheap set up territory for start ups. There weren't many cars in the parking lot. Soon enough a few cars started rolling in and people started filling into the suite I had written down on a post-it. I guess it was time to take a huge step. I walked into a stuffy room full of a variety of folks from young to old, ragged, to business casual. I found the seat in the furthest corner I could and sat down. After some time they asked a moment of silence then started the serenity prayer. A topic was read and the floor was open. This was it. This was the first step. It's now or never. "Make this work Preston."

During what seemed like an eternal long awkward silence, I raised my hand...

"My name is Preston. I'm an alcoholic..."

Today is 44 days sober. That is the longest I have been without alcohol in 15 years. I can say that in this process, one of the most profound things that has happened is spiritual. That part is still pretty rocky and a deeply personal part of my recovery, so I don't think I am ready to share that subject just yet. I know there are people with different opinions on this, and honestly, unless it's supportive, I don't really care what you have to say. This road is hard, but I am grateful to be on it. I finally feel like I am moving forward and might actually do something with myself.

If you are going through this too, keep up the fight. It's hard and can seem impossible like driving a spaghetti noodle into concrete, but it can happen. You just have to find your way. I'm always up to a good conversation if needed.

For all of you that read this, I am grateful you care enough to do so.

The best is yet to come.

Thanks.

Monday, November 4, 2013

Dialing For Dollars; The Call Center Hustle

I have sat down to write this a few times and keep finding myself rambling on and on to the point I even bored myself. But, I have really wanted to get this out for awhile now. I was over thinking it and decided to make it simple.

Disclaimer: This is a post about call centers and sales jobs. This is in no way a shot at honest people that get up everyday and do what they have to do to provide for themselves and their families. This is however a look into the nature of the business and if you take offense, maybe you should reevaluate what you are doing.


When I was younger back home in east Texas, most of my friends, my girlfriend, and everyone else I know were clambering for a position with Winning Strategies. Jobs were few there and this proved a viable option to make decent money for the area. No experience necessary. All you had to do was call senior citizens all day and scare the piss out of them about what would happen to their estate after they had passed. The upside was that you got to promise them a free meal at the local buffet house. It was a grim conversation to have and you had to just call them out of nowhere and bring this up. This was my first experience with call centers and the first time to wear the hat of the dreaded telemarketer.

Some years later, moving to Austin, these jobs are plentiful and pay well. Again, no experience necessary and lack of a conscious preferred. Through a friend I found myself in a commission only pit of money hungry misplaced people like myself, and it starts there.

1. Swift Rock Financial / Clear Your Debt LLC

The job was to call through leads of people that were in massive credit card debt and offer them a solution called debt settlement. Most of these folks had mortgages that were adjusting and shooting through the roof and living off credit cards to the point they were insolvent. Most of these folks were in an tight spot and looking for any answer they could without declaring bankruptcy. We would tell them they could turn over there debt situation to us, put money in a savings account, and we would negotiate the debt to settle for pennies on the dollar. We charged 15% of the total debt. We gave them hope that they could just pay a portion of what was due every month and we would have them out of debt within 3 years or less.

Pros: There were none. This was a completely made up program and rarely did the credit card companies negotiate. Most clients spent thousands with no results.

Cons: People put complete faith in us and our sales pitch to rid them of crippling debt but for most people this was never done. They bought our finely crafted sales pitch and we had an answer for any disbelief. Most of the people that worked there were out of their minds on drugs or booze and these animals were telling people to make one of the biggest decisions they would ever make. Our VP of Sales Jordan Lane made sure to sell us every morning and made sure to only hire the naive or people too smart for their own good. I know for a fact this guy would do blow until his head was ready to explode. People ended up worse off than when they started, sued, and bankrupt having wasted thousands of dollars. Millions of dollars went to Jordan and the founder Darin Scott. The only redeeming part I can feel is that most of sales people never got paid. Finally, most states have caught on this is not even legal practice. The company has changed its name several times to avoid trouble. A class action lawsuit by employees and multiple ripped off clients have been filed and won. The founder hasn't really gotten any punishment for what he did. Money, even if stolen, can get you out of anything. You can google both of those names and you'll see statements and news stories backing up what I am saying here. It was probably the most evil place I worked so far.


2. Legal Zoom / LegalZoom.com

You've seen the commercials on TV. They put the law on your side! They make what can be a lengthy and expensive process with a lawyer much more affordable and easy. This much is true. If you are doing estate planning, setting up a business, or just need some legal type documents, you can get them there for a fraction of the cost of going to an attorney. I think this part of what they do is helpful and great. Of course most of these are just stock documents and not necessarily overseen by attorneys but most people get good results. Not a bad product if you really pay attention to what you are buying. But you have to really read the terms and conditions you accept because they can't just let you off the hook with purchasing a product and being on your way.

Pros: Instead of paying an attorney and ungodly amount of money for a slow painful process of setting up your business or putting together a will, you can go to LegalZoom and have it done quickly and for much less. Most of the documents and mass produced and really shouldn't cost so much from an attorney so I think overall what they offer is helpful and a great product.

Cons: First and foremost the people you are talking to are extensively trained and very careful not to commit UPL,(Unlicensed Practice of Law), but they are just phone jockeys. People like me, with tattoos, no real education, and just trying to squeeze out any dollar they can for needless services or products. That's just the nature of the call center though. The problem is that someone serious about starting a business probably shouldn't be listening to a call center agent that has never started a business. If they have, obviously it didn't go well because now they are being micromanaged and tied to a cubicle with a headset. They speak if hypotheticals and have no real basis. They just know the questions to ask to back you in  a corner, courtesy of they on going sales training with Griffin Hill. Second, when you do purchase a document of set up your business, obviously you are advised to purchase the mega-package to expedite the service and get all the bells and whistles. Here's where the con, in both meanings of the word comes in. When you do that, you are automatically enrolled in an ongoing service at 14.99 or 29.99 a month. You are told this is a 30 Day trial to test it out and see if its helpful. You get unlimited 30 minute consultations with attorneys in your state about and NEW questions. You can't ask the same question twice. You get document review, and some other things. Is this helpful? Yes. Why is it bad? Because they don't tell you that if you don't opt out, you will continue to be charged that amount indefinitely.  This part of the sales process is generally skipped. Sales agents readily admit they skip it because they are afraid if will kill the sale. I worked in retention. This department was specifically for people calling in to cancel. I was to through them a million hypothetical situations that they may run across, and try to retain them. It was brutal. People would call in because they never knew they were even enrolled and had been charged for months and sometimes years without their knowledge. LegalZoom did not at that time email or mail out monthly statements, check up on people that never used it, or even recommend they use it. This was especially disturbing because troops going overseas would call to get their affairs in order only to return home to realize they had been charged hundreds of dollars while they were gone without their knowledge. Senior citizens would call in noticing their accounts had been overdrawn due to the phantom payment and be harassed or scared into keeping the service. Sometimes this payment would be the difference in them being able to get their medications or doing without. LegalZoom didn't really care as long as they had that recurring monthly revenue. Here's the trick though, they would be told they could cancel and they could refund them the most recent payment but no more. The truth is, they could be refunded all of the payments in most cases. So the agents would blatantly LIE on the phone when someone asked for a refund. It would be good product if they proactively sold it, but instead they sneak it in the fine print, hastily have you look over it, and take you money until you notice, then give you a hard time about getting it back. It's a scam. Most clients that used the service were often brushed off with no help unless the opted to purchase more time with the attorney. I know this because myself and a family member used it. It was useless. If you start a business or are doing estate planning, you should be thoroughly reading every piece of paper or online terms and conditions you come across. It's just stupid not to. LegalZoom knows people won't do that, and take full advantage. Started by lawyers, and run like it. I quit working there because of the ethical implications of the job. Most people there just over looked it, and told me it wasn't for me. Good riddance.

3.  Time Warner Cable

We all know who these guys are. They are a typical cable company and what they sell in the grand scheme of things is a luxury. Get your tv fix, phone and internet all bundled together to save more! haha

Pros: This is truly an American company. Time Warner Cable there to set you up for all your home entertainment needs. It's on par with every other company and they don't lock you into a contract. It's a decent paying job and they do offer good benefits.

Cons: There is a reason that if you research this company online they have some of the worst customer service reviews. Training was a fiasco from day one. They hire hoodlums and nare-do-wells. No experience necessary or really wanted. They need people that have never made very much money so they can keep them. There is a definite common denominator of the people they employ. Most of the training is spent drawing on paper and playing silly games. It was ridiculous and I felt like a complete idiot everyday I was in training. They micomanage to the point they will give you a print out of how many times you got up to piss during the day. Oh well though, its a job and thats how it goes. Some people are built for that, but there is a reason they have the reviews they have. The initial sales process is just like anywhere else, they bundle you in the best package for what you are looking for, try to up sell you, and so on. Thats typical. I think no contract is a good thing too. The flipside to no contract is that your initial pricing at some point will expire and your bill will go up. At this point most people call to cancel and go with another company, so you are sent to the retention department. In the retention department you are instructed to tell the people they are in the best plan possible and that the retail cost for what they have is much higher. This is a lie. With a little more push back, they can offer all kinds of discounts and give you much better pricing. They just want you to fight for it. They will start by telling you there is nothing they can do, then offer to apply a slight discount, then with a lot of fight, they can magically drastically reduce the bill to a reasonable rate. They will tell you the prices you see online or on television are only for new customers or only available if you order online. This is a lie too.  Weird how that works. Agents are paid based on how high there recurring monthly revenue they retain. This means their bonus/commission will suffer if they give you a discount. So in turn, they will tell you anything they can to keep from applying any discount to help you. This includes flat out lying to a customer. Lying certainly isn't encouraged but it's definitely overlooked. They tell people if they cancel a portion of the bundle, like the phone, the bill will go up. This is a lie. The job is to sit and lie to people all day to keep them at the highest monthly rate you can. Again this put me in an ethical quandary and I couldn't do it. Almost immediately after starting I had to start looking for something else. If you have them and notice your bill start going up, call them and demand the best price. They can discount you equipment and offer several other things. Unfortunately you have to play the game and threaten to cancel and you will probably be transferred a million times.


This is the honest truth about some of the most dishonest places I have ever worked for. Call centers can be cesspools. Some people are there to make an honest living but most are people that don't want to do anything of service to the planet so they hide there and trade their integrity for a hefty commissions. It's not for me.